Kid #1 had a birthday a few weeks ago. On her wish-list: a unicorn and toothpaste that doesn’t taste gross. Her birthday list isn’t even remotely relevant to this story. But it’s kind of awesome. So there it is.
Anyway, Kid #2 was a little jealous about the whole non-birthday thing, so Kid #1, being somewhat sweet in a passive-aggressive way, made him a card. It said:
I hope you have a good day on MY birthday.
Kid #2 doesn’t yet appreciate the art of the taunt, so he cried.
So Kid #1 is gradually learning all these subtle nuances of communication. (Passive-aggressiveness: check)
Recently, she’s been all about playing tricks on people. And by people I mean me.
Except I don’t think she really gets it yet. Like she’ll say, “I already brushed my teeth,” and I’m like, “No you didn’t,” and she’s all, “Ha! Tricked you!”
Multiply this by a thousand times a day.
A few days ago she was playing upstairs, and she started yelling, “Ahh, help! I can’t move!” I sprinted up the stairs, coffee cup in hand, only to find her standing at the top of the staircase with a big grin on her face.
“Ha, I tricked you.”
So, because I was out of breath and there was coffee all over the staircase and not nearly enough caffeine in my bloodstream, I said, “That’s a lie, not a trick.”
And she said, “What‘s the difference?”
*silence* (you’d think as a writer I should probably know these things)
*more silence* (but I do not know these things)
Finally: “A trick is funny. That wasn’t funny.” (Yeah, I know that’s not right. I KNOW.)
And she said, “Well, it was to me.”
Moral of the story: brush up on your vocabulary before your kid turns 5.