Recently I’ve started wondering what kind of influence it’ll be to have a writer for a mother.
I have an accountant for a mother. When I was growing up, I did weird, kid-of-an-accountant things. Like keep a budget. When I was ten. Go ahead, you can say it. It’s weird. And when I got my driver’s license, I didn’t buy a car because I couldn’t understand the purpose of spending money on something that depreciates in value so rapidly. Yes, I was that kid.
Anyway. I’ve been thinking about all this because it influenced my adulthood, too, but mostly in a good way. It made me all responsible and stuff.
So. What about writer-mom? How is this influencing my kids? Will their pretend-play always have complete plot arcs? Will their imaginary friends have flaws to make them more realistic? Will they chastise each other for using too many words to make a point? Will they say things like, “Kid #2 is using weak verbs!” or “Kid #1 is being passive again!”
Will they lie? I mean, let’s be honest, that’s kind of what I do for a living now.
And how am I preparing them for adulthood? I’m not teaching them how to budget or calculate the tip or recognize a good tax deduction in the wild. But I guess there are worse lessons than using strong verbs.
So go ahead, kids:
If you’re going to walk angrily, you might as well stomp. And why run quickly if you can sprint instead? And please don’t speak loudly when you’re fully capable of yelling. Whatever you do, own it.
Also, don’t be passive. Do something. If there’s nothing to do, make something happen instead.
And if you’re going to lie, at least make it convincing.
But until then, they’ll probably do weird kid-of-a-writer things. Like shout, “Adverbs are the devil!” in the middle of a grammar lesson. Yeah, well, we all go through that awkward stage.
At least they’ll be shouting.