a.k.a. How Not To Look Like a Tourist
Last week I took a quick trip to NYC to visit this building (unreal, no?) and got to meet the team from Walker/Bloomsbury (also unreal). I had an amazing time talking with Emily Easton, my editor at Walker, and Sarah Odedina, publisher of Bloomsbury UK. And then it occurred to me that FRACTURE isn’t just going to be a document on my computer anymore, but will, at some point, be a real book, which is also unreal.
But instead of talking about all these unreal things, I am going to tell you some Very Real Things. Specifically, some real things about visiting New York. I’m originally from New Jersey, which, by definition, is kind of a suburb of Manhattan, so I didn’t give much thought to visiting New York. But now it is apparent that living in the south has purged my brain of some very essential information.
So, without further ado, I give you the things I knew at one point, but had temporarily forgotten, but now know again:
-It does not matter what you think you remember from Driver’s Ed. You do not have the right-of-way in the crosswalk. Let me repeat that. You do not have the right of way in the crosswalk.
-When someone honks at you, it does not mean, “Hey, long time, no see! How’re the kids?” No, it means you are probably in the crosswalk when you should not be in the crosswalk. Do not smile and wave.
-When you get in a taxi and give your destination, quickly pretend to be on an important call so that when the driver asks which route you want to take, you can wave him off instead of saying, “Um, the short way?” Thus ensuring you are going any way BUT the short way.
-Keep up with the flow of pedestrian traffic. If you knock someone over with your luggage, do not stop and say, “Oops!” And whatever you do, do not giggle. KEEP MOVING.
-Slippers are frowned upon. It does not matter if you just came from the airport and they’re really, really, comfy. You should probably change into real shoes before wandering the city.
-If you smile at strangers, they will assume you are hitting on them. Or that something is wrong with you. Probably both. Eyes on the empty space in front of you, people.
-That guy on the computer in the hotel lobby tagging pictures of himself on Facebook will not get off said computer just because you tap your foot loudly behind him. I used to know a more effective way. Words may have been involved. Possibly some sort of confrontation. It’s all a bit fuzzy now.
Anyway, once I reacquainted myself with New York, I had a great time. Mostly because I also got to see these fantastic people:
Super-Agent Sarah Davies
Fellow Greenhouse Author, Talia Vance
And now, for the directionally-challenged (like me), I leave you some parting advice: Manhattan is a grid. You cannot get lost. As long as you stay above ground. It does not matter if it is raining or snowing or the apocalypse is upon us. Whatever you do, STAY ABOVE GROUND.